'PERFECTION OF DOUBT'
by Lucy K Shaw
The taste of red bull in the morning
on my teeth when I haven’t brushed them
The shape of your back when you
crouch over your computer in the night
The feeling in my chest when you say
you are going to meet someone from tinder at 1pm
The feeling in my chest when you say you are going to meet someone
I have to be leaving in order to feel okay being here, I say
In order for you to feel okay
being with me,
I will complete this isolation-induced superiority complex
You will remember how it feels to live without me
You will die this summer, you say. That’s okay,
I was just thinking the same thing, about the both of us
it is looming, we notice, a little lower than ever before
it is looming, we notice, but we couldn’t call it unexpected
And so together now in this forest of London
I tell you about the drinking tickets of Barcelona
I tell you about the prostitutes in the park of the Paris rain.
You tell me about the email your mother sent to your ex-girlfriend,
five years ago when you broke up
And when I meet her for the first time later tonight,
wearing the same shoes, mine will be much dirtier,
but we couldn’t call it unexpected
I have been looking for a new pair of shoes ever since
I have been looking, vaguely, for a new pair of shoes
that make any sense
for the both of us.
If you come near me, there is a safari park,
If you kiss me, we are already dead
And I can feel you inside of your head
when I couldn’t before
I can feel you inside of your head
when I couldn’t be further away
from wanting it, anyway
you feel relatively certain
we are not the answer
to each other’s issues
And it’s not even a possibility
but we await nervously anyway
Hopefully, some days
for the blood to confirm
It gives us both some
body else to think about
Lucy K Shaw called us from Brooklyn, NY.
More about Lucy.
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here is a previously unpublished poem
• 30 July 2014 • 47 notes
playground magazine published a story by me in spanish today.
here is the original english version:
The Britney Youth
Five months after the official announcement of his romantic split with Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake was visited at his childhood home in Memphis, Tennessee by Barbara Walters, the elderly television news personality and journalist who interviewed the famous boy-popstar (and his mother) in their small-town living room for an hour-long ABC 20/20 special. This was prime time American entertainment at the dawn of the third millenium. This was nothing out of the ordinary. This was a boy and his mother and a television reporter on a ranch, having a conversation, in front of a camera, for money. This was something I absorbed as a fourteen year old girl, like cereal.
She was there, at the Timberlake residence in 2002, ostensibly to discuss the release of Justin’s debut solo CD, Justified. 13 tracks of hip hop-infused pop music, produced in large part by The Neptunes, and designed to advance Justin Timberlake’s public image beyond the bubblegum, Good-Boy, N*Sync poster-child innocence, which he and his mother/manager had been cultivating since his days as a mouseketeer on the Mickey Mouse club.
Barbara Walters also conducted the first interview with President and Mrs. Bush following September 11, 2001.
And of course, since she had made the trip to Tennessee to talk to the boy-popstar, Walters was obligated (by society) to broach the undeniably more sensational subject of the breakdown of the boy’s most recent romantic relationship, with an equally famous girl-popstar, one Miss Britney Spears.
Seventy-two year old Barbara Walters had been hoping, she told him, to put the discussion to rest, ‘once and for all.’
‘I don’t think that’ll be the case’, he replied, laughing nervously on the sofa (beside his mother), before becoming serious and poised over the course of a few long seconds. At twenty-one years old, Justin Timberlake had been famous for more than half of his life. ‘But, I remember when we decided that we were going to go our separate ways. We sat down and I said to her, “If there’s ever a moment when you ever need me, you can rest assured that I will be there, because I love you as a person and I will always love you…”’
Timberlake’s mother/manager smiled and nodded with tear-soaked eyes as her son delivered this vague and mature-seeming monologue on the conclusion of his first-love.
It tasted like cereal, spoon-fed. It tasted like our expectations and identities developing through a collage of cultural references. It tasted like unconsciousness. I mean, after a while, it didn’t taste like anything.
And so the world mourned the denouement of the once bright Power Couple.
The Prince and Princess of Pop.
There was nothing that any one of us could do about it. It was over.
When Walters asked ‘What kind of a girl do you want to bring home to Mom?’ Justin pointed to his mother/manager and, smiling, said, ‘Somebody like her’.
I accepted that it would be almost impossible for me ever to relate to another person.
I heard someone say, ‘We’ll be right back after this commercial break.’
• 29 July 2014 • 19 notes
1. i think this might be the title of something i’m working on. i tried cutting it out of thai restaurant menus to see if i like it. still not sure.
2. i hosted a reading at mellow pages last monday while jackson nieuwland and carolyn decarlo were in town from new zealand. here is a video of them reading together. i thought they were so great.
3. outside of the library window, you can see the empire state building on the other side of the water. the light was crazy on wednesday night.
4. remembering to be alone too.
5. someone held up gabby’s book the other day, at the library, and said, ‘have you read this one?’ i smiled and opened it to the first page and said ‘my friend wrote it. it’s dedicated to me.’ i felt nice.
6. i read a new story at the release for mike bushnell’s poetry collection, OHSO on saturday night. i recommend the book very hard and suggest you buy it.
7. i also just bought ana carrete’s new book, WHY-FI. i highly recommend this one too! it’s very sensational. there’s a poem featuring mermaids that i’m becoming obsessed with. it’s called ‘capitalism’.
8. i met this person one year ago today and my life has been much better ever since.
9. dazed digital thinks i’m one of the top ten american writers you need to read this year. seems insane but probably good. i was born in england.
• 21 July 2014 • 19 notes